If you stopped by this little space about three weeks ago, you read something about me needing peace for a job situation and hoping that the Lord would work on my heart. Then, if you were scrolling through Instagram only a few days after that, you would have saw a simple post with a major message where I wrote this:
I'm not a quitter, but I quit. Last year I accepted a job and one year later, I quit that job. I've never quit a job before, not in this capacity. I've only left jobs because they were seasonal or I was moving away. From the outside looking in, the job was great and giving me everything I needed. Literally something you wouldn't walk away from, especially in this economy people would say. Yet, walk away was the very thing I felt God calling me to do. And I can't give a clear answer as to why. I'm not sure what He is leading me towards, but I'm holding firm to the promise that He knows my future better than I do. I'm stepping out and walking in faith. Blind to the future before me. But, as Hebrews reminds me, "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." By faith we understand, obey, and go. By faith we persevere. I may get the "dream" job or I may never have what I did have again. Either way, He is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever. And He is good.
I sat through one day of orientation for another year of my job. The whole day I had this overwhelming feeling that it wasn't where I was supposed to be. There was a pit in my stomach I couldn't get rid of and all day long I held back tears. I was incredibly torn between walking away and staying put. Torn between whether this was where God still needed me or not. I messaged a friend asking her if she would be at work when I got out and hightailed it towards her direction the moment we were done for the day. Confident that there was no way I could step foot back in that building.
This past summer I worked in my church's daycare program. It quickly became a place I enjoyed going to. I was continuing to meet more wonderful people in the church and I was playing with one year old's all day. Definitely a breath of fresh air from the past year. I was finally waking up happy and ready to go to work and I was finally enjoying the people I worked with and what I was doing. It didn't feel stale or like a chore. I was being encouraged and revived. So, at the church is where I found myself after I bolted out the doors after one day of orientation. After some emotional breakdowns, two exactly, I drove myself home. The pit in my stomach growing stronger. I had two more emotional breakdowns, one to my roommate and another to my mom on the phone. After talking with my mom and texting my boss from the daycare asking if I could come back, I had made my decision. The next day, I would quit my full-time job.
And the pit in my stomach was gone.
It's not that I didn't enjoy being a preschool teacher. It's not that I didn't enjoy working with kids, because I still am working with them. I strictly felt that I wasn't where God wanted or needed me to be anymore. The peace that overcame me after the decision was made was overwhelming and comforting. The strongest that I've ever felt. I was confident, and still am, that it was the right decision to be made. And I can say that this was probably the biggest step of faith I've taken in my life so far, next to trusting Christ as my Savior.
So, where do I go from here? The only answer I have is wherever the Lord takes me.
And that is my prayer every morning, "Lead me, Lord."
What has been your biggest step of faith?
When have you strongly felt the peace of the Lord surround you?
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