Another day passes, another friend gets engaged. Another friend jets off on their honeymoon. Another friend pins away all the decorations they can't wait to add to their future house. Another friend announces their family is expanding by two little feet in 2015.
Another day passes and all I've done is driven to work and driven home again.
I'm not saying I'm not happy for these friends. I've said that a bunch and I've truly meant it every time. I enjoy getting to celebrate with them at parties and shower them with gifts. It seems like an incredibly exciting time. And I love the smiles that never seem to leave their faces.
But, I'm also not saying it's always easy for me to be happy.
I've heard it said a thousand times over, "enjoy your singleness" and I'm sure you have too if you are a single twenty-something. Our single days are the best, we can invest our time wherever we want, we can grow significantly in the Lord and serve Him all the more. We can go wherever and do whatever we want on a whim. We can order take-out every night and let the dishes pile up in the sink.
Well, of course I can. But, I could do all those with someone too. In fact, if I'm being completely honest, I would rather do all those things with someone.
"Focus on where you are, a man will come later."
That is easier said than done. And frankly, I feel like every time someone says that to me, they aren't remembering how hard being single can be. Because, it is. Hard. Extremely some days.
It's not just the pestering from friends and family wondering when you will introduce them to someone or the massive amount of wedding invites covering your fridge and blocking you from that delicious ice cream dinner that awaits.
It's the feeling that there is a void in your life and it seems like it is never going to get filled.
"Fill it with Jesus. Get lost completely in him."
Again. Easier said than done.
Why? Because I'm human.
And the sinful, selfish, prideful side of me wants to argue that He isn't always enough. That there must be more for me, because everyone else seems to be finding it but me. When will it be my turn? When will I get to post a picture on Instagram or Facebook and gather 122+ likes?
In a book I was reading the other day, the author talked about how one season of her life was "rapidly coming to a close" even though she wasn't aware of it. Isn't that true for all of us? No matter what journey or season of life we are in, it could all change tomorrow. Tomorrow might be the day that the Lord reveals to us a whole new journey that we never dreamed about.
My journey of singleness could start closing tomorrow with the introduction of some new man...
What then? How would that even work?
If that even happened, I would have so many more questions than I do right now.
So, clearly I'm not prepared.
There are some days where I feel like my single days are coming to a close. Have I met the guy that I think would change that? Not necessarily, I just have that "it could be any day/month now" thought. Because, I think back to what people tell me and how they say to enjoy life and do the things you want to do now, while you can.
And I've done those things.
I've lived on my own. I've traveled and served in some amazing places. I've lead bible studies. I've saved up money and learned to manage it. I've been unemployed. I've been underemployed. I used my savings to try and pay student loans. (Those last ones aren't pretty, but that's life.) I've seen my favorite band in concert...multiple times. I've stayed up late for meteor showers that never came. I've taken random, midnight road trips. I've seen the sun set and I've seen it rise. I've learned to cook a meal and bake an awesome apple pie for dessert. I've explored National Parks and put my feet in the Pacific Ocean. I've helped after natural disasters and I've sat with the homeless. I've stood beside my best friend as she got married and rejoiced greatly when my sister told me she was pregnant.
There's a lot that I have done and yet so much more that I want to do.
But, do it alone? That is another question.
My singleness journey could be coming to a close without me even realizing it, but am I actually ready for it?
Do I like being a single, twenty-something? Depends on what day you ask me.
Do I love being a single, twenty-something? I can answer with a resounding no.
Has the Lord revealed and taught me a lot throughout this season of life? That is an overwhelming yes.
Has He ever failed me, let me down, or not provided for me? No.
The Lord is my strength. He is my Rock. He is my comfort. He is my portion and my help in times of need.
And that is something I can rejoice about daily. On hard days and easy days. In sorrow and in triumph. Single or not.
My singleness journey has truly been one of the most difficult seasons of my life. It is hard and often very lonely. And I think that is something that people often overlook or just don't want to say out loud. Yet, the Lord reveals Himself in beautiful ways. Whether this journey is coming to a close without me knowing it or is here to stay for awhile longer, I will rejoice and praise my Father for all that He has done for me.
Are you in a similar season of life as well?
Has this season passed for you?
Any advice or encouraging words for those hard days? Because let's be honest, they will come.
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