Have you ever had one of those days? A day where you seem to be met with nothing but discouragement? A day when nothing seems to go your way? A day where you just want to get away from it all and go on an extended vacation to a tropical island? A day where every road you start to go down leads to a dead-end? A day where you do nothing but wear sweatpants and watch a marathon of that new show you are obsessed with? A day where you can't get the format on Word to, well, format? A day where the gloomy, rainy day outside fits your mood perfectly?
You could say that was me yesterday.
Since I got back home from California in June, I haven't done much of anything to be honest. Which means, I have no job. Yes, I am one of the "unemployed." Womp. Womp.
I will be honest, once I came back from California, I didn't want to do anything but sleep. My job there was one of the hardest and most challenging I have had yet. It stretched me beyond my abilities and comfort zones, and stretched and changed me as a person. And, it made me tired. There were long days and some long nights. It was constant supervision of children and constant building of community. Both of which require all of your energy and time to have any effect.
I knew that once I came home I wanted to rest for awhile and then I would get back into the fun that is job-hunting. And oh what fun it has been. (Did ya catch that sarcasm? I hope so.) If you read on my "About Me" page, it says that I graduated with a degree that I have absolutely no idea what to do with. And that is absolutely true. It's not that I don't believe in my degree or that I didn't learn anything during my 4 years at a great university. What I am saying is that in college, I changed my major 3 times and then on the 4th time decided to stick with that one. And the majors that I declared were in no way related to each other!
During college, most of my jobs were at churches and day-care programs during the school year. Then, when summertime rolled around I was a summer missionary with NAMB. Each summer I was somewhere different, always working with kids. When I found out about the opportunity in California, I didn't actually accept it until 2 weeks before my college graduation. I left college not really knowing what I was going to do with my life. I left with one last, fun summer with my friends ahead of me and then I was moving away. I left my college town, the place that had changed me so much and the place I called home. I left new friends who had become life friends in a short matter of months. I left my first apartment, the place that was all my own. I left it all for an opportunity that was only going to last me 4 and a half months, yet turned into a 10 month adventure.
Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't change my time in California for anything. I met some wonderful people and got to serve some amazing families. I got to explore and live in a beautiful place that I possibly would have never seen otherwise. I'm so incredibly thankful for it all. Even so, my time in California didn't really help me decide what to do with the rest of my life.
So, I'm back at square one. At home. With the parents. In a small town. With my friends spread throughout the globe (literally).
No job. But many questions.
I literally cringe at the questions of, "what do you want to do?" or "where are you going next?" Literally. I. Cringe.
The honest answer? I do not know. I have absolutely no idea. No ideas on where to move or how to afford it. No ideas on what type of job I want. No ideas on what company to work for. (Add some incredible student loans to that as well.)
It's like having the worst writer's block ever.
Here is what I can tell you.
I love to serve "kids." Whether that be little ones, youth, or college kids. I love to serve those that live below the poverty line, the unloved, the difficult, the homeless. I love seeing people reach their dreams. I love seeing people learn something new for the first time. I love when people overcome obstacles that everyone told them they couldn't. I love to travel, explore, and see new places. I love writing. I love photography and capturing moments that are unique and otherwise missed.
Here is another thing I can tell you.
I serve an amazing God. I serve a God who already knows my future. I serve a God that sees and hears my problems and frustrations. A God who hears my prayers. A God who is encouraging. A God who is unfailing. I serve a God who gives a love that never fails. A God is who faithful to the finish. I serve a God that comes close to the brokenhearted and restores my crushed spirit.
I serve a God who will never leave or forsake me.
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